Being James Potter
by Made.of.Sin
Summary: The First Rule of being James Potter is being sexy. If you look in the mirror you will discover that Potter is always sexy so no further maintenance is needed... Harry has some things to think about his father after learning something unsettling to him so he goes looking for a quiet place to think, only to have another shocking revalation
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANY OTHER THINGS THAT MAY EVENTUALLY BE MENTIONED

BEING JAMES POTTER

JAMES POTTER

The first rule of being James Potter is being sexy. If you look in the mirror you will discover that Potter is always sexy so no further maintenance is needed.

Rule two ties into the first rule; always dress to impress. You always want to impress the ladies like the lovely miss Lily Evans (future Lily Potter) so make sure to always have the following appearance.

Always rock the just shagged bed head.

Never wear your uniform correctly; it takes away from the bad boy image.

Glasses get asses; 'nuff said.

Just throw on the clothes you wore the day before, the messy image does not make you look like a beggar no matter what the Slimy Slytherins (or parents or professors or that one 8 year old girl from Zonkos) say

Rule three; PRANK EVERYONE, everyone likes a good joke (especially on Snivellius) so target as many people as you can! HOWEVER! Do NOT for ANY REASON! Try to prank McGonagall.

I don't know how she does it but she always avoids them and _knows_ who did it. Peter has never been the same after that punishment… He still breaks out crying whenever any of us ask what happened or a cat gets too close… Well kiddo this is James Potters Guide to Being James Potter, use what I have taught you throughout Hogwarts with my blessing.

Love, Dad

 _P.S. ….. Don't tell your mom about this, she is quick with the hexes when she wants to be…. Love you kiddo._

Harry finished the letter with a blank face and churning emotions giving him an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Looking up to his defence teacher he had to ask…

"Did you… read this, before giving it to me?"

The weary looking man got a confused expression on his face, "No… is something wrong? Your father gave this to me one night while we were celebrating your birth and made me promise to give it to you if something happened."

Harry silently handed the letter to his teacher to read; watching as the man skimmed the letter and his face gain a red hue over taut cheeks. Anger, embarrassment…? He wasn't sure yet.

By the time the professor had finished the letter Harry had already felt his perception of his father shift. The man was either an asshole, or an idiot; he didn't know which he would prefer to be honest.

"I'm sorry Harry… if I had known what that idiot had written I would have warned you. He wasn't always the most coherent when he drank…"

The professor had mumbled the last bit but Harry still heard him. Maybe Snape and his Uncle were right about his dad… a drunk bully that was full of himself.

"I think I'll just go back to my dorm now Professor Lupin." Harry said eventually after an awkward silence; taking the letter back from the spaced our professor he gathered his things and left the room.

He didn't really want to go back to the commons rooms where he would be trapped between the fighting Ron and Hermione; but he didn't want to be around Lupin at the moment either.

Remembering a place no one else could access at the time he turned in a pivot, making his way to Myrtle's bathroom.

Sneaking past the crying spector he hissed at the sink quietly.

~OPEN~

The floor opened up with a groan and he slipped in as quick as he could to avoid Myrtle's hysterics; he slid down into the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANY OTHER THINGS THAT MAY EVENTUALLY BE MENTIONED

Now that he wasn't running on adrenalin or dying from the most potent venom in the known world, Harry could really appreciate Salazar's Chamber. The 60 foot snake carcass (that didn't seems to have rotted in the last year) didn't detract from the stunning architecture throughout the whole area.

Peeking his head through the giant statue's still open mouth he saw a huge corridor that had several branch offs that ended in doors.

Harry's curious nature itched at him while he walked up to the closest door; turning the knob he found that it was locked.

Plans foiled the short 13 year old huffed in annoyance; searching the door frame for a minute he found an ingraving of a snake along the edge of the door.

~Open~

The snake wiggled but the door didn't open.

~Ugh…. Pleasssse open? ~

He began guessing random ways to get passed the enchanted door.

~Open Now! ~

~Why won't you open? ~

~Open sssesssame~

~Knock knock~

~Publisssshersssss clearing houssssssse~

~Housssse keeping~

He finally screamed after 10 minutes of frustration.

~You mussst ssspeak the name for accesssss and place a drop of blood on the knob. Only then will I open the door. ~

Jumping a little in shock he eyed the little snake. ~What name? ~

~The massstter of the Housssse. ~ Okay… who was that?

~Voldemort~ Harry allowed his blood to flow on the door handle after pricking his thumb on a pin from his uniform.

~The blood hassss been accepted but the name isss not the massstter. ~ Shit okay…

~Tom Marvolo Riddle~ letting his bleeding hand rest on the knob Harry kept guessing even as the snake wiggled in agitation.

"Ssseverusss Ssssnape? ~ Head of house for Slytherins was another of his guesses, but it just got him another wiggle…. Wait….. He was so stupid.

~Ssslytherin~ there was a click and the knob turned under his hand. It was never more obvious why he was not a Ravenclaw.

~Welcome Massster~ the little snake hissed in pleasure; it was weird the engraving called him master but maybe it was because of the Parseltounge?

Giddy now he entered the spacious room, looking around he saw it was a….living room? There was a large old couch in the middle of the room along with a giant area rug, some lanterns that had everlast green flames burning as well as a few coffee tables.

The walls were all covered, one was a giant bookshelf filled to the brim, another was a huge tapestry and the other was teeming with hanging swords, daggers, axes and shields surrounding a painting of a man that looked to be about 30 with shining red hair and deep red eyes striking out from an almost exact copy of his face if he was the same age.

As unsettlingly handsome as the man was there was no ignoring the massive snake in the painting wrapped around him. Even as coiled around the tall man as he was the beast had about a third of its gold body pooled across the ground.

Harry had walked closer to the painting without noticing until he was directly in front of the frame. The red haired man moved from his still position to stare into Harry's green eyes.

"Oh? One of my descendants finally decided to visit me? How nice it only took about 600 years."The man had a rich sibilant voice, his accent was enchanting with several drawn out sounds.

"Descendant?" Harry felt his voice was childish compared to this man's.

"Yes, our branch of the family all produced the Jewel toned eyes; it is a prerequisite to the family magic's you know? The ability to unlock the Sight runs where jeweled eyes reside. I believe they made the rhyme."

"Of course other families cultivated this ability and gouged out most of our and our children's eyes until there was only a single witch left from our line, I believe she had escaped and married a muggle or some such nonsense. It's so hard to stay in touch with civilization these days, that headmaster barred me from entering my other painting in the castle about 70 years ago."

The man sounded so nonchalant about the destruction of his family Harry couldn't help but think he might be absolutely insane.

The painting just went on without interruption petting his pale familiar.

"Of course, the eye's are a clue to which side of the family you came from, however, you wouldn't be able to enter this room if you didn't speak the language of snakes and have our bloodline, you would still be locked in the antechamber. Simple reasoning child. Now Tell me about yourself, what has become of our family?"

Harry didn't know what to say, the whole day had just been jarring for him.

"Well? Don't keep me waiting child."

The man's impatent tone snapped him into action, he automatically started spilling his guts, telling the man his name, age, how he grew up with his relatives neglect, how he learned of his wizard status and all the world had treated him since he got there, telling him all about Voldemort, the basilisk, his parents, his feelings of being overwhelmed since starting Hogwarts and even his doubts about the war. Everything spewed out like word vomit, he talked until his voice ran dry, throat cracking unpleasantly for about 10 minutes before he finished, by this time he had missed dinner and it was probably way passed curfew.

"Poor dear, why don't you relax in the room back there and we can talk more in the morning, don't worry about this anymore, I will help you." The red haired man who Harry still didn't know the name of shooed him off with a wave to the door that appeared from the wall the bookshelf was located on, not hearing a word of protest that he had tried to utter.

"Just go to sleep already Brat!" The tone was insistent although fond, and Harry just gave in. He was tired.

Flopping down onto the bare mattress Harry allowed his raging emotions to calm, falling into a dead sleep.


End file.
